A few months ago I sent a question to a group of people I trust.
If my life were a movie and you were in the audience…what would you be screaming at me to do?
I asked them not to overthink it. Not to filter it. Just say the thing. I asked friends, family (even my kids), colleagues and clients. The responses started coming in.
“Slow down.”
“Stop doing so much.”
“Release.”
“Grow where you’re planted.”
“Know your worth.”
“Charge more.”
“Stop taking on other people’s responsibilities.”
“Be more selfish.”
Not exactly the kind of feedback you get from a performance review, but the kind that lands when it comes from people who know you well.
When I stepped back and looked at the responses together, three themes emerged.
Slow down and subtract. Take breaks. Do less. Stop adding. Release urgency and excess output.
Stop over-functioning and scattering. Put down responsibilities that aren’t yours. Grow where you’re planted. Go deeper instead of wider.
Own your value and center yourself. Know your worth. Charge more. Stop self-minimizing. Express authority cleanly and intentionally.
None of it was surprising, but seeing the same message reflected back from different people in different words was clarifying (if confronting).
And it fit neatly with the theme behind this newsletter: Not Again.
A central belief behind my work is that we all run patterns, often productive ones, that eventually start to work against us. Then there’s a moment when you recognize the pattern and think, not again.
What got you here, won’t get you there. - Marshall Goldsmith
For me, the pattern can look like this:
Add more. Take responsibility. Keep pushing. Prove the value. Repeat.
So I’ve been treating those three themes as a kind of personal operating system this year. I even created a gpt to keep me honest and act as a brainstorm partner.
Here’s where I am so far.
On slowing down: I’ve turned down two opportunities that would have added more to my plate. I’ve been protecting sleep and continuing a practice I started years ago - walking every morning before anyone else in the house wakes up. I’ve also been setting more realistic deadlines instead of defaulting to urgency. I’ve also said yes to unforeseen opportunities, but only those that truly excite me.
On over-functioning: I’ve finally hired help around the house (getting used to the sound of the vacuum when I’m not operating it is actually harder than I thought), created clearer accountability for my family (as in I left town for a 5 day work trip and did NOT leave a to-do list!), and I’ve been more disciplined about staying in my lane professionally and personally. No, I don’t need to weigh in on how everyone in my house loads the dishwasher.
Progress, but still a work in progress.
On owning value: I’m in the middle of a rebrand and building a new website that better reflects the executive work I’m actually doing. I’ve rewritten my bio to align with that shift, and as of February almost all of my revenue from 2025 was already booked, on track to at least double for the year.
One thing I’m noticing is that these three themes are more connected than they first appeared.
When I do less, I get clearer about what actually matters. When I stop taking on things that aren’t mine, the work I am responsible for gets better. And when the focus sharpens, the question of value tends to answer itself.
Nothing dramatic. Just fewer distractions and cleaner thinking.
Which is really the point of this whole exercise - catching the pattern earlier.
Before it becomes another round of… Not again.